Things are going rough. I haven't told this to everyone, especially my family who are far away, but I don't have a job now. I got fired the first day after my India vacation. (Yeah tell me about it - going home is a curse!) I took December off thinking I'll come back in January and I'll start applying for jobs and having a productive time. But...

I discovered Casey Neistat. Yeah, the youtuber. It was weird - he's a very creative, very personable guy making vlogs. His vlogs are so interesting and so watch-worthy, I binged hundreds of episodes over the last few weeks. It got me wanting to be like him - to be able to create something, to be able to make art.

I'm not able to. I tried. I can't make vlogs - I am in this phase where I'm second guessing everything. It's weird - I took out my camera one morning and I wanted to shoot a vlog. I wanted to get video with my phone, photos with my camera and have a vlog for that day. I really wanted to make it.

When I started speaking, I judged myself. I doubted myself. I couldn't get my usual loud voice - I think staying away from everyone but my roommates is having that effect on me.

I wanted to click pictures but it was too cold. My hands were freezing and shooting video while clicking pictures seemed impossible.

So what do I do? I don't know. Maybe I should write. Maybe making videos is not my thing. Maybe one day when I have my own house (which should be soon!!!) I should be able to set up a video set up in the kitchen but maybe vlogs are not my thing. As I was going through all this, I watched yet another Casey's video:

Watch till the end for the funny thumbnail situation

Casey's video was what made me realize something I had known for quite some time: Instagram, YouTube make us question about our own happiness. One of the quotes that come up in the video:

Comparison is the thief of joy - Theodore Roosevelt or someone

I didn't have to become him. I don't need to think why I can't be like him, or why I can't do what he does. I could just take entertainment from his video, be inspired by him about how he creates what he wants to, and apply it to my life in my own way.

So yeah. If I could sit like this every night, process my photos, and post a blog, then I'd be just as good. Will I be as famous as him? No. But if I write, I'll have some creative output of my own.